


Exposé

by Zingenmir (DawnFire360)



Series: PPC AUs [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Protectors of the Plot Continuum, Torchwood
Genre: (character replacements if you know the PPC), (in which Rita or her replacement made her way to HQ), Alternate Universe, Either the real Rita Skeeter or someone who used to be her and kept the name, F/M, Flirting, Interview, It is entirely possible I will redo the tags because this is a bit of a mess, Jacques used to be Jack Harkness (kind of), romance novel vs reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnFire360/pseuds/Zingenmir
Summary: In which Rita Skeeter (or a replacement who contrived to keep the name) is working for the Multiverse Monitor and has interviewed Jacques Bonnefoy in 2018. Part 1 contains excerpts from her interview; part 2 reveals the final two excerpts from Jacques' perspective as they happened.
Relationships: Jacques Bonnefoy/Rita Skeeter
Series: PPC AUs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552252
Kudos: 1





	1. Part 1: Interview Excerpts

**Author's Note:**

> Rita Skeeter, here, reporting for the Multiverse Monitor!
> 
> Yes, you read that right. Rita Skeeter (or a cunning replacement who contrived to keep her name?) has made it to the PPC, and is now writing for the Multiverse Monitor.
> 
> Her mission? To interview Jacques Bonnefoy, as a hard-hitting reporter should, and to bring to you, dear readers, the whole unvarnished truth about this seductive former character replacement who recently celebrated his fifth year at HQ!
> 
> Excerpts from the interview follow:

_His beautiful blue eyes, sparkling only seconds ago with the thrill of attempted seduction (to which, dear readers, I can only hope not to succumb before finishing the interview!) turn misty with the remembered grief of cradling the corpse of Ianto Jones._

...

_"You know," he says, leaning forward in a way that emphasizes the powerful muscles in his shoulders, "I_ love _your hair." He pauses, and sorrow is clear in his deep voice as he continues. "Rose dyed her hair to get that exact shade, you know. She'd be so envious."_

...

_"Are the rumors true?" I have to ask, even if it pains him. I am committed to the truth. "That you remember a relationship with Rose Tyler and the Ninth Doctor beyond what is shown on the show?"_

_He shakes his head. "I'm afraid not. They...they never did quite see me the way I saw them." He forces a smile; even with little heart behind it, it is enough to steal one's breath. "Can I get you a drink? Reporting is very hard work."_

...

_"But enough about me, Ms Skeeter," he says. He pulls me close, fingers trailing tingles up and down my arm. "I want to know about you. Someone with such an impressive reporting history must have some good stories to tell!"_

_To my surprise, I find myself giggling, blushing, looking down in a coy way I abandoned soon after my teens. Something about this man brings out the excitement of youth, of that first, most breathtaking crush that never quite leaves you for years afterwards. "Oh, I do," I say. I yearn to impress him, but that's not why I'm here—and besides, I'd much rather hear him talk. "But they're nothing compared to yours." I look up at him through my long eyelashes, feeling shy—and, dear readers, I haven't felt shy in years! "Would you tell me more about your early days in ESAS? The first person you seduced in HQ?"_ How you're managing to make me melt in ways no man has managed since a reporter's cynicism changed my perspective forever?

_He chuckles—the warmest sound I've heard—and pulls me even closer. There are people who would call this scandalous. "Why don't I tell you," he murmurs wickedly, "about how I plan to seduce_ you?"

...

_Somehow—I'll never quite know how—I manage to scrape together enough of my composure to ask him another question. "You seduce so many people—is it always a split second decision, or do you take your time before approaching them?"_

_He pulls back the slightest bit, leaving me oddly bereft. His warmth had enveloped me without my noticing. "Oh, it depends on the person. There are people I've waited five years without seducing."_

_I sense a story here—perhaps one of longing—and so I question him further. "That sounds like a seduction—or several—to remember. What kept you from doing it earlier?"_

_"The time wasn't right," he says._

_His eyes are on my mouth. They are surely intent enough to set me on fire—and I want to burn._

_"Did you always plan on seducing_ me _?" I ask. My breath is so fast—my heart is racing. He could do anything in this moment, and so long as he touched me, I'd never protest. Such is the power of his presence._

_"I decided to try five minutes after you walked in," he says. His voice is low. Honesty, earnestness—they shine from his face, in his smile, in the way his eyes caress my skin—and then it's his hands I feel skimming up my arms, and he leans in close. "Tell me, lovely Rita—have I succeeded?"_

_I kiss him in answer—or I would, but that would go against my professionalism. He has no such compunctions, however, and in seconds, his lips are on mine._

_Dear readers, you know I strive to describe to you everything worth knowing—and a kiss from this man is well worth knowing. But how could mere words convey this? Were I to tell you his lips are soft and his hands wander, I would be remiss—for that description ignores the confident step closer, the care not to disturb my hair, the sheer, all-consuming focus that overtakes the one being kissed—for how could it not? His complete attention is on the kiss, and on the person being kissed—and I could describe this to you a thousand times over, and still fail to encapsulate the true feeling of kissing Jacques Bonnefoy._

_For once, dear readers—and you know well how infrequently this happens—words fail me._


	2. Part 2: The Interview Process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figure she's just exaggerating. She tends to, after all—the Quik Quotes Quill certainly made some interesting things out of Harry's answers in the fourth book. She's just taking a...slightly different tack with Jacques, even if she does do a fair bit with his angst as well. She's also added things, and twisted them—for one thing, the only dead Ianto Jones Jacques has ever come in contact with was a replacement. He was recruited long before Ianto's death in canon and thus has no memory of it.
> 
> In fact, a regular version of the final two excerpts might run like so:

Well, that hadn't worked. She was still impressively undistracted from all the questions he didn't want to answer. He had to admire her tenacity, even if he wished she had less of it.

Time to step up the game.

"Enough about me, Rita." He pulled her closer, trailing his fingers over her arm. "Tell me about you. Someone with your reporting history must have some _great_ stories to tell!"

She giggled and looked down—good. Maybe this would actually work. It was certainly the only thing he'd found so far that _did_ distract her—he'd noticed the discreet admiring looks almost immediately. They would have been far more welcome if they hadn't come as the side dish to a whole bunch of painful questions.

"Oh, I do," she said. "But yours—yours are so very interesting. Tell me more about your early days in ESAS. Or maybe about the first person you ever seduced in HQ?"

Jacques chuckled, the sound only a little forced, and pulled her even closer. If this didn't move the interview in a far more interesting direction, he had no idea what would. "Why don't I tell you about how I plan to seduce _you_?"

Gratifyingly, her eyes widened—and, for the first time since he'd met her, she was speechless.

...

They'd very much moved on to flirting now, much to Jacques' relief. He had to give her credit, though—she was still asking questions, even if most of them seemed to be part of her flirting style. It was suddenly a little bit charming, that her work had permeated even this aspect of her life so well.

"You seduce so many people," she was purring now. Her hand was on his arm, but despite the calculating undertone to her voice, her eyes were fixed on his. "Is it always a split second decision, or are there people you wait on seducing?"

He pulled back a little, laughing quietly. "You know, I don't seduce _everyone_ I meet. Some of them aren't interested, for one thing, and, well...I do have people I've known for five years, practically the whole time I've been here, who I've never really gone for. You know how it is."

"Of course," she said. "Five years, though? What's kept you from trying?"

Jacques shrugged. "Apart from people I just don't have a chance with, or who turned me down the second I offered? I..." He paused, thinking about it. If this made it into her article, he thought he could take it—it could even serve as a reminder to him, at certain moments. "It wouldn't have worked, I guess. The time wasn't right, for both of us. It would've been a disaster, and then we settled into friendship, and..." He shrugged. "I suppose it might happen someday, but I'm not holding my breath."

Had she even heard all of that? Her eyes had dropped to his mouth halfway through. He'd be impressed if she'd caught most of it.

He leaned forward, returning the favor and adopting his flirtiest tone. "Did you catch any of that?"

"What?" She looked up, and actually _blushed_. He hadn't expected that.

He reached out a hand, brushing his fingers over the red in her cheeks. "Never mind."

"When did you decide to seduce me?" she blurted. Uncomposed words from a very composed woman—he loved it. That and the way she was _still_ asking questions.

"About five minutes after you started talking to me," he said, grinning. No need to add that the decision had been based partially on distracting her, since brushing her off hadn't worked. It wasn't like he objected to the impending outcome, anyway. He leaned in, skimming his hands up her arms to cup her face, and lowered his voice. "Tell me, lovely Rita...have I managed it yet?"

She kissed him. He wanted to laugh triumphantly; instead, he wrapped his arms around her and set about kissing her breathless.

(He was, in fact, careful not to disturb her hair. He wasn't sure if he _could_ , or how she could possibly get it looking presentable again to begin with.

After all, he still wanted her good will, even if that was quickly taking second place to everything else.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So—kernels of truth, some polishing of lines, some changing of them altogether, and quite a bit of attraction. And, y'know, romance novel narration.

**Author's Note:**

> ...more to come?
> 
> (Did Rita get more than a kiss? Has Jacques been truthfully represented in this interview? Are there any parts of this article that would sound out of place in a Harlequin romance novel? Find out sometime!)


End file.
